sbluesnow (sbluesnow) wrote in sblue_snow,

[FIC] Somebody to Love Chapter 6

Title: Somebody to Love
Author: sbluesnow
Group(s): Super Junior, DBSK
Main: Archive
Main Pairing(s): Eunhyuk x Junsu, Hankyung x Kibum
Side Pairings(s): Donghae x Bada, Leeteuk x Henry, Siwon x Eunhyuk, Zhou mi x Eunhyuk, Heechul x Sungmin, Kyuhyun x Ryeowook x Yesung, Changmin x Jaejoong, Yunho x Yoochun, Family: Kangin x Eunhyuk, Shindong x Eunhyuk
Friend(s): Hankyung x Eunhyuk, Leeteuk x Eunhyuk, Eunhyuk x Bada, Hankyung x Bada, Leeteuk x Bada, Hankyung x Heechul, Heechul x Bada
Chapter(s): 6/6
Summary: A one night stay in his apartment that he doesn't call home changed his life. He cried and loved and loves again. The past hurts. This very day does. Moving on is easier when you let others in and help you.
Previous: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5


Everything was dark. He couldn’t see anything. The lights suddenly turned on. It blinded him for a second. He was in a warehouse. Not the kind of warehouse that stores shipment of goods. It was more like a hideout. Then he heard shouting and screaming. Looking around franticly, he searched for the owner of the voices. They sounded so familiar to him. Walking around aimlessly he didn’t know where to go. It felt like he had been walking in circles. Suddenly he was running. He didn’t know why he was running. His legs were moving on its own accord.


"SHUT UP YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" Someone had shouted out in pain. Eunhyuk could only guess that whoever shouted must have been hit.

Then out of nowhere, his surroundings changed. He was standing in a dark alley. There wasn’t any specific noise that caught his ears. Just people talking animatedly on the streets and in the shops nearby. Taking a left he saw a group of shadows. There were about 10 people in front of him. He walked closer to them unnoticed. It seemed like they couldn’t even see him. With that thought, he walked closer to the group. The leader who was pulling a boy by his hair to look at him, it was the same guy from the warehouse. The guy who kicked the other guy in the gut. How he knew that he didn’t know but he was sure it was the same guy. Walking closer to the leader, he stood behind him and looked over his shoulder. The boy who was beaten up badly and was being pulled by the hair looked so familiar to him.

"You’re going to pay kid."

"Fuck you!"

"Shut it!" the leader let go of the boy’s hair and kicked him in the stomach. The boy hunched over in pain.



Then it hit him.

This scene was from years ago. When Kangin died because of him.


"Oh but it is." The leader turned around and looked at Eunhyuk. He had the evilest smile on his face.

"The fucking piece of shit deserves this."

With a snap of his fingers, the others came at Kangin. Punching him, kicking him, stabbing him, and fucking him. Eunhyuk didn’t want to see this again. He didn’t want to remember. He had blocked it out of his mind for so long.

He couldn’t do anything to help his brother. He looked back at his younger self. The 5 year old Hyukjae was held with his arms behind his back in a tight grip. He was forced to watch as his brother was beaten and screwed around as if he was nothing. He felt helpless then and he felt helpless now.


"What are you going to do?" The man turned to watch Eunhyuk. He took out a gun and aimed it straight at him.

His body froze. His mind went blank. He wasn’t scared. He wanted it to end. He didn’t want to relive this moment.

"Leave them alone! They haven’t done anything to you!" He yelled.

"It doesn’t matter what they did. All that matters is that you’re going to die." The man pulled the trigger. A loud bang could be heard. Eunhyuk was ready for the pain to come but it didn’t. Opening his eyes he saw Kangin stand in front of him. He was smiling before he fell to the ground. Kangin had taken the pullet for him. It hit him in the chest. Right where his heart would be.

"Why Kangin?" Eunhyuk shouted at Kangin, his hands trying to stop the bleeding.

Kangin just smiled at him and ruffled his hair. "Silly Hyukkie. We’re family. As long as you and Shindong are okay, it doesn’t matter if I have to die a million times."

Eunhyuk could hear his younger self and young Shindong yelling and crying. Fighting against the gang and the men holding them back. The leader laughed a hollow laugh and told his men to let the boys go. His younger self and young Shindong ran towards Kangin. They knelt beside him on the ground, crying and telling him to hold on. Eunhyuk looked at his hands. Kangin was bleeding too much and too fast. His hands were soaked in blood. He looked at Kangin. He couldn’t stop crying and Kangin smiled and wiped his tears away with his thumb.

"Idiot. No one’s going to hurt you as long as I’m here."

He was about to tell Kangin that he missed him and that he was sorry when his surroundings changed. This time he was at the beach. Everyone was happy and smiling. Enjoying their day of fun at the beach. He turned around when he heard someone calling his name. It was Siwon. Siwon in swim trunks and no shirt on. All the girls were drooling over him. The guys wanted to hate his guts but Siwon was too nice to hate. Siwon walked past him to where the other him was sitting on blanket drinking strawberry milk. Siwon leaned down and gave him a kiss. He could still remember it. Those soft lips on his. The scent of Siwon’s shampoo. Vanilla extract with a hint of lemon.

He saw himself smiling and flushing after Siwon’s kiss. He looked so happy. But then things went dark and he was crying. Siwon was leaving him.

"I’m sorry Eunhyuk but this isn’t going to work."

"Why are you leaving me? What did I do wrong?"

"It’s not you, it’s me."

"Come on Siwon! We both know it’s never you!"

"Alright fine! It’s you! It’s always been you! You’re too clingy. You act like an idiot in front of my friends. You’re an embarrassment! There! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?" Siwon yelled at him.

Siwon had never yelled at him before. Not even when they had fights in the past. He took a step back from Siwon.

"But do you want to know the main reason?"

Eunhyuk already knew. Siwon had told him before. His worst nightmares were appearing again. He was living through them again in his dreams.

"IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF THAT FUCKING CHINESE BASTARD! WHY CANT YOU FORGET ABOUT HIM? WHAT MAKES HIM BETTER THAN ME? I LOVE YOU MORE THAN THAT BASTARD! WHY CANT YOU FORGET HIM AND ONLY LOVE ME?" Siwon shouted at him, grabbing hold of his shoulders, his nails digging into his skin. He could feel his blood sliding down his shoulders.

"Why do you love Zhou mi more? Why him? He hurt you countless times. Why do you still love him more than me? Why Eunhyuk? Why?" Siwon’s eyes were frantic. They pierced his soul for answers.

"I don’t know." He whispered.

Siwon stared at him. His hands dropped from his shoulder. He turned around and walked away. Just before he was out the door, Siwon stopped at said something that broke Eunhyuk.

"Zhou mi hurt you and I had to clean up the mess he left behind. I’m leaving you and now you have no one."

He wanted to cry. He wanted to cry so much. But he couldn’t. There was no tears just pain. Closing his eyes he wished that he would just wake up from this nightmare. Opening his eyes, he was standing in front of Shindong’s grave.

"Why is everyone leaving me? What did I do?" Eunhyuk asked his dead brother. "Why Shindong? You’re the only family I had left and then you left me too. Kangin, Zhou mi, Siwon and now you." His body was trembling. He felt himself getting weaker. He felt himself slowly falling to the ground.

Until he heard a voice. "Lee Hyukjae! Don’t you dare fall apart on me now."

It was Heechul. He looked like shit. He had bags under his eyes, his hair a complete mess, his clothes dirty and torn. "Not now Hyuk. Not now."

He didn’t know what was going on. That was until he saw Hankyung on the floor. He looked like a zombie.




Eunhyuk got out of Heechul’s hold and ran for his life. He couldn’t go back there. He just couldn’t. Not after everyone in his life leaving him. Now the one person who was there for him through everything. Whether it was a shoulder to cry on, a hug, to talk, to get his ager out, anything. Now that person was gone. Kibum was gone. The people who he let into his heart and mind are now gone.

He woke up from the nightmare, shaking hard. Picking himself off his bed, he made his way to the guest bedroom, feeling safer there than in his big empty room. Eunhyuk crawled onto the bed and threw the covers over his head, trapping himself in a blanket of dark. He curled up, pulling his legs to his chest and wrapping his arms around them as he hugged himself close. Not wanting to exist, he hugged tighter and tighter, trying to become as small as possible, desperately hoping to disappear completely. Eunhyuk, age fifteen, created an awkward tangle of limbs, skinny arms, and not-quite-long-enough legs as he hid from the monsters haunting him in his head.

The nightmares had started at the age of 5 then it had gotten worse at the age of 15. Ever since he was 15, he’d have to go and sleep in the guest bedroom after waking up from a nightmare. Now he was 22. Old habits die hard they say.

Still spooked and dazed from the nightmare, Eunhyuk got out of his bed and walked across the hall and into the guest bedroom. Lifting the covers he wrapped the blanket around himself tightly. To try and fall asleep. To just forget it all.

What Eunhyuk didn’t realize was that there was someone else sleeping in the bed. Turning over he was staring straight at Junsu’s sleeping face. He didn’t know why but seeing Junsu sleeping so peacefully relaxed him. It took his mind of his nightmares. His hand moved to gently caress Junsu’s cheeks. He looked so beautiful.

Eunhyuk moved closer to Junsu. His lips meet with Junsu’s. He kissed him softly at first. Then it became more rough and desperate. At some point Junsu started to kiss him back. Both were fighting for dominance. Neither giving in. Neither wanting to give in.

Eunhyuk suddenly pulled back from the kiss. Junsu snapped his eyes opened and wondered what had just happened. First thing he saw was Eunhyuk looking at him straight in the eyes. Then his gaze lowered to his now bruised and plump lips. Junsu blushed at recalling what happened. He had kissed Eunhyuk back. Hankyung’s close friend. His cousin’s close friend. His cousin’s close friend kissed him first. His cousin’s close friend crawled into his bed and kissed him. To others that might be a bit much but after living with Yunho and Yoochun in China and with Jaejoong and Changmin in Japan this wasn’t weird at all. It was actually hot.

Junsu smiled shyly at Eunhyuk. Eunhyuk didn’t smile back. That broke his heart for some reason. Reaching over and pushing some loose strands of hair away from Eunhyuk’s eye did Junsu notice that he had been crying.

"What’s wrong?"

"Help me."


"Make me forget. Help me forget."

Junsu didn’t know what to do. He already knew that he was falling for Eunhyuk. He knew that since he’d first seen him parked his car in the parking lot and looked at his and Hankyung’s direction.

"Are you sure?" He asked hesitantly.

"Please Junsu. Help me."

He sounded so desperate. Junsu just wanted to take all the pain away and he did. He moved in to kiss Eunhyuk gently, then with passion. His hands wandered the dancer’s body. Removing Eunhyuk’s clothes and his own he looked at Eunhyuk one more time, eyes asking for permission. Eunhyuk nodded and Junsu entered him. It hurt. For Eunhyuk and for Junsu. The pain mixed with pleasure made Eunhyuk forget what he wanted to forget. After their release Junsu pulled out of Eunhyuk, and cleaned up as much of their ‘mess’ as possible. Eunhyuk stopped him and told him to stay and not go. He didn’t ask questions. He just obeyed. He stopped his cleaning and lay down next to Eunhyuk under the warm covers.

He wanted to ask but didn’t want to hurt Eunhyuk so he remained silent. Just holding Eunhyuk close to him and enjoying the moment.

"Don’t you want to know why?"

"I do but I don’t want to force you."

"It’s not if I’m willing to tell you."

"Then tell me."

Eunhyuk took a deep breath and said nothing. So much was going through his mind. He didn’t know where to start. So he told Junsu about everything. From the very beginning from when he was 5 to 15 and then to now. He told him about what really happened and then what happened in his dreams.

He told him about his older brother Kangin. How Kangin would always protect him and his other older brother Shindong from harm. He told him about Zhou mi who took his heart and crushed it. He told him about Siwon who fixed his heart only to break it himself. He told him about Shindong who left him to be united with Kangin. And lastly he told Junsu about Kibum. His best friend in the world who was there through everything with him.

"Kibum was my wall. My reserve. He was the one who helped me to continue to live. Who told me to not give up. He was my foundation. My link to reality. And now he’s gone. It’s been exactly 1 year since his death. And today finally this morning, Hankyung laughed and smiled again. Just like when Kibum was alive. It might be because of you. Orit might be that he realized that he kept his promise to Kibum. Either way, Hankyung is Hannie again."

"But are you Hyukkie again?"

"What do you mean?" Eunhyuk asked turning sideways to look at Junsu.

"Hangeng disappeared and Hankyung stayed. Hyukjae disappeared and Eunhyuk stayed. Now Hangeng is back. When is Hyukjae coming back?"

"He doesn’t want to come back."

"Why not?"

"He has no one left."

"That’s a lie."

"It isn’t. You have hyung, Leeteuk, Heechul, Bada and your other friends here to help you. And most of all you still have Kibum and your brothers. They may not be here anymore but in your heart they’ll always live. They’ll always be your brothers and Kibum will always be your best friend. Nothing can change that. You’re not missing anything Eunhyuk."

"Yes I am. I’m missing love."

"I’m here."

Eunhyuk stared at Junsu. Long and hard. Junsu could not have just said that.

"Don’t joke like that."

"I’m not joking. I think I’m already in love with you."

"Don’t." Eunhyuk said his eyes filled with tears, just threatening to fall.

"Eunhyuk. I really mean it. If you give me a chance, let me prove it to you. Let me show you that I’m not like the others. Please Eunhyuk."

Eunhyuk started to cry. His body was shaking uncontrollably. Junsu held onto Eunhyuk tighter.

"Please Eunhyuk."

"If I do, will you promise me you won’t leave me like the others?"

"I can’t promise you that. Tomorrow for all I know, I might be in an accident. So I can’t promise you that I won’t leave you but I can promise that I really do love you. I know I said I think I love you earlier but it’s not hard to fall in love with you."

"Just because it’s not hard doesn’t mean it won’t happen."

"Eunhyuk listen to me. It already has started. You just have to believe in me. Believe in yourself. And believe in us."

"Believe in us?"

"Yes. Us. You and me. Hyukjae and Junsu."

"I’ll try Junsu. I’ll try." Eunhyuk mumbled sleep taking over his mind.

"That’s all I’m asking for." Junsu said lightly kissing Eunhyuk’s lips before going to sleep himself.

This time there was no nightmares. Only pleasant dreams. And hopes. And reality’s beauty. Life couldn’t get better without it being worst first.


A/N: Took forever to do this! I started this on Jan.17/09 {yeah I procrastinated} and finished on the 20th. Sorry for any mistakes. I just handed this in like right before the deadline ended so I had to edit it really quickly. Thanks for reading ^-6
Comments are welcomed~♥
Tags: !fanfiction, character: bada, character: eunhyuk, group: dbsk, group: super junior, pairing: changmin x jaejoong, pairing: eunhyuk x junsu, pairing: hankyung x eunhyuk, pairing: hankyung x heechul, pairing: hankyung x kibum, pairing: heechul x sungmin, pairing: kangin x eunhyuk, pairing: kyuhyun x ryeowook x yesung, pairing: leeteuk x eunhyuk, pairing: leeteuk x henry, pairing: shindong x eunhyuk, pairing: siwon x eunhyuk, pairing: yunho x yoochun, pairing: zhou mi x eunhyuk
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