sbluesnow (sbluesnow) wrote in sblue_snow,

[FIC] In and Out of Love Chapter 4

Title: In and Out of Love
Chapter Title: I'll be Within Reach. Right in Your Arms.
Author: sbluesnow
Group(s): Super Junior
Main: Archive
Pairing(s): Kyuhyun x Eunhyuk, Zhou mi x Eunhyuk
Chapter(s): 4/4
Summary: If you believe that the person you love truly loves you, they’ll always come back.
Dedicated to: renichifreak  because she's been waiting for this for a long time.
Previous: Go to Archive


Leaving the dorm, Eunhyuk briskly walked to the one place he could think of where Kyuhyun would be. Where he would go to get away from the craziness of being a celebrity. The one place they shared together. Their place. The beach.

Deciding that walking was taking too long, Eunhyuk broke into a sprint and ran through the crowds, past the cars and tall buildings, across the grassy field until he was there. Just one step and he was in the sand.

He wanted to see Kyuhyun and get a straight answer. But the fear that he was right held him back. The feat that Kyuhyun really didn’t love him. Didn’t want him. Didn’t need him in his life anymore, he was scared of what it could be.

Zhou mi's words floated in his head.

You can think of all the what if's in the world but it’s up to you to decide what you want to do. Go after Kyuhyun and live happily ever after or stay here and think of what could be.

He repeated those words over and over in his mind, not sure what he wanted to do. He KNEW what was the obvious choice was but could he do it? Could he walk down this beach and ask Kyuhyun what he feels for him? Could he risk the answer and lose the man he was deeply in love with and will love for a long time? Could he do it?

Taking a deep breath Eunhyuk took his first step forward, shoes sinking into the soft sand. Looking straight ahead, water to the horizon. Looking to the left, sand. Looking to the right, sand. Kyuhyun nowhere in sight. Panic taking over. He knew he shouldn’t because there wasn’t anything to worry about but there was.

If the one place that was special to them and he wasn’t there, then there was no them anymore. No them. No KyuHyuk. No love. The one thing he so desperately wanted to know the answer.

Turning left and right, Kyuhyun still wasn’t in sight. He wasn’t in the beginning and he wasn’t in the end.

It hurt. He was giving Kyuhyun another chance but he wasn’t there to take it.

Forcing himself not to cry Eunhyuk turned around and was about to walk away when he heard his name.


He didn’t need to turn around to know who was calling him. That deep voice that was as soft as the clouds but loud as the ocean only belonged to Kyuhyun. His Kyuhyun.

"What are you doing here?"



Eunhyuk’s back was still facing Kyuhyun. He couldn’t turn around. This was what he came here for. An answer to what was stabbing in his heart. But what he wanted was different then what reality was. He could play out thousands of scenarios of how he would ask Kyuhyun what he felt but the real thing was more raw. More unpredictable and much more painful to endure.

"Why are you leaving?"

"To get away from you."

"You came here for me and now you're leaving just at the sight of me? Do you hate me that much?" Kyuhyun asked, his heart breaking every second and tears swelling in his eyes. He knew Eunhyuk would come back. He knew it but now was he leaving? For good?

"I don’t hate you. At all."

"Then why can’t you look at me Hyuk?"


"Because why?"

"Because I’m scared."

"Why are you scared?"

"I’m scared of you."

"What?" Kyuhyun didn’t understand why Eunhyuk would be scared of him. He hadn’t done anything to terrorize the older man or shown any kind of violent act. He wasn’t abusive nor was he temperamental.

"It’s not what you do Kyuhyun ah. It’s what you think." Eunhyuk answered as if able to read Kyuhyun’s thoughts.

"What I think?"

Tired of his lover's stupidity, Eunhyuk turned around but didn’t move forward. He stayed right in his spot, looking at Kyuhyun with sad broken eyes.

"Do you or do you not care for me?"


"Just answer me Kyuhyun."

"I do care for you."

"Do you care about me?"

"I do. Eunhyuk where is this going?"

"Do you like me?" Eunhyuk continued to ask, ignoring Kyuhyun’s question.

"I do."

"Do you love me?"

"I do."

"Do you love me more than I love you?"

"I do."



"How do you love me more than I love you?"

"What do you want me to do to prove that I do love you Eunhyuk?"

"That’s for you figure out."

"Is that you came here for? To ask if I love you?"


"Do you really think that I don’t love you?"


"Why? Why do you think that?"

"When have you ever shown your love to me Kyuhyun? I get that you don’t with the others around but on the occasions that we're alone, that it's just us, you don’t act any different. You act the same. A cold heartless bastard."

"I’m not a cold heartless bastard."

"You are."

"I have feelings to you know."

"Really? Then why don’t you look it?"

"I don’t know."

"Kyuhyun! I'm serious here. The one time I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you, you go and act like the magnae you are."

"Isn’t this what you wanted? For me to show my emotions? For me to act like myself around you?"

"But wrong timing."

"When is a good time then?"

"Like I dunno. Maybe before this? Before our fights?"

"Well I’m trying now. Doesn’t that count for anything?"

"Trying but not good enough."

"Eunhyuk do you hear yourself? Your expectations of me keep getting higher and higher."

"What’s wrong with that? If you really do love me as you claim you'd reach those bars and break them in half."

"I’m not superman. I don’t have that kind of power. All I have is my love for you."

Eunhyuk felt like crying. He really did.

"You wanna know what's funny?"


"After all this time, you still never said those words to me. You’ve said them at me but not to me. I’ve always been the one to say it."

"What words?"

"Cho Kyuhyun. Do you love me?"

"I do."

"See. You agree but never say it."

"What? Those three words?"


"They’re just words."

"Then it's over Kyuhyun. I never thought I’d be the one saying it. I’m breaking up with you."

"NO!" Kyuhyun shouted, running to Eunhyuk and wrapping his arms around the dancer in a possessive grip. "Don’t. Don’t go."

Eunhyuk didn’t fight back nor did he try to hug Kyuhyun. He stood still. Arms hanging loosely by his sides. He knew that if he pushed Kyuhyun away, he'd breakdown and cry. If he pushed him away, no matter what he wouldn’t accept Kyuhyun back. If he hugged Kyuhyun, that would mean he'd forgiven Kyuhyun and accepted his "love" even though he couldn’t feel it. Either way, he'd end up hurting himself.

"Why? Why are you doing this to me? Why do you keep giving me mixed signals and breaking my heart even more?" Eunhyuk said staring right into Kyuhyun’s chest, words barely audible against the crash of the waves.

"I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry." Kyuhyun kept apologizing over and over again, hugging onto Eunhyuk tightly afraid that he'd disappear forever. He didn’t want that. He couldn’t have that. That couldn’t happen. He couldn’t handle that happening. That was too much like death. He didn’t want to experience that again.

"Kyuhyun, let go."

"No." His words barely a whisper.

"Let go."




"Let go."

"NO!" Kyuhyun pulled back but his hold on Eunhyuk still firm. "I’m not letting you go."

"Why? You don’t need me."

"Yes I do. I need you Eunhyuk. Just like the universe needs its sun, I need you. I need my Eunhyuk. I need my monkey. I need my Hyukjae. My Hyukkie. I need you. I want you."

"I need you. I want you. I will run to you~" Eunhyuk half heartedly sang. Voice sad and no energy to the song.

"I’m being serious here." Kyuhyun pouted.

"Not with that pout on your face."

Kyuhyun let out a strangled cry. In such an important time, his lover was acting so childish. Sure his actions now weren’t helping but the words he was saying were serious words. Why couldn’t Eunhyuk get that?

"Why aren’t you getting what I’m saying? I’m pouring my heart out and you laugh. Why Eunhyuk?" Kyuhyun asked, gripping his shoulders tightly, eyes getting watery.

"Do you really have no faith that much? In me or in us?" he said, blinking back the tears that were ready to fall. His breathing was uneven, his breath coming out in quick and short pants. His voice going softer and softer, on the verge of cracking and no longer speaking.

"It’s not that I don’t have faith in you. It’s that I don’t have faith in us."


"Because it's been so long and now you finally notice what feel. What I’ve kept in my heart. But you only knew because I told you and wanted to break up with you."

"Then why did you come here Hyukkie? I know you're lying. You have faith in us. You believe that we'll work out. And if you believe then we will. I’ll make sure of it."

"Why should I believe you?"


"I have, and you...failed."

"Please Eunhyuk; I’m begging you please don’t do this. Don’t leave me. I love you. I’ll do anything to prove it. You can punch me, you can hurt me, you can cheat on me, just don’t leave me."

"Cheat on you? Are you sure about that?"

"If you leave me, our friendship won’t even last. And I rather have you by my side even if you're with someone else."

"What if I’m happier with someone else? Don’t I deserve to be happy and with them and not you?"

"Yes but-"

"Then there's nothing else to say Kyuhyun. Let go. We’re over."

"Please Eunhyuk. Just one more chance. I’ll do anything you ask."


"Anything." Kyuhyun nodding his head frantically.

"Then let go of me."

Kyuhyun shook his head. He didn’t want Eunhyuk to run away.

"I’m not going to run away if that's what you're worried about. You’ll said you'll do anything right?"


"Then let go of me and prove something to me."

Hesitantly, Kyuhyun let go of Eunhyuk. Eunhyuk took one small step back from Kyuhyun. Knowing that Kyuhyun would automatically reach out to him again, he raised his right hand, palm outstretched in the sign of stop. Kyuhyun paused and waited for Eunhyuk to tell him to go.

Reaching behind his neck, Eunhyuk unhooked the silver necklace Kyuhyun had given him. The first gift that Kyuhyun had given Eunhyuk. The necklace that Kyuhyun gave to him when he said 'I love you.' to him for the first time. Re-clasping the little clasp, Eunhyuk held it out in front of him.

"You see this?"


"What is it?"

"It's the necklace I gave you when I first said I love you to you."

"Exactly. It's your love. My love. Our love together."

"What do you plan on doing Eunhyuk?"

"I'm going to do something and see if you love me."

Eunhyuk walked closer to Kyuhyun and walked right by him. Standing three feet away from the water, Eunhyuk looked back at Kyuhyun.

"You have three seconds after I throw it to choose what you want to do."

Kyuhyun really didn't like where this was going. Eunhyuk couldn't possibly thinking of doing it, could he?

"You aren't go-"

Before he could even finish his sentence, Eunhyuk winded his arm and pitched the necklace out into the ocean. Letting go of the necklace and letting soar through the air and soon enough into the water.

"You have 3 seconds Kyu. What are you going to do?"

Kyuhyun didn't answer Eunhyuk. He ran straight for the water and dived right in. He had to get that necklace back. It was the proof of their love. The piece that was going to hold them together. There was no way he was going to let this chance slip away from him. He had already come close to losing Eunhyuk once. He wasn't going to let that happen and become permanent again.

Swimming out into the open water, Kyuhyun looked around the spot of where the necklace sunk. Taking a deep breath, Kyuhyun dived under the water.

Eunhyuk knew he was treating Kyuhyun like dirt right now. He knew it but he didn’t stop. He continued to act so because he wanted to see just how far the other was willing to go. He wanted Kyuhyun to feel the pain he felt. The pain of not knowing, of losing the person you love, not knowing if there was even love. He wanted Kyuhyun to feel his hurt. But honestly it was hurting him to do this to Kyuhyun.

Standing there on the deserted beach, Eunhyuk waited for Kyuhyun to resurface. He didn't. Obviously Kyuhyun couldn't find the necklace in seconds so Eunhyuk waited. It's been 7 minutes and 43 seconds and Kyuhyun still hadn't come back yet. Eunhyuk started to panic. He hadn't meant for this to happen. He couldn't lose Kyuhyun.

Running into the ocean, Eunhyuk swam to where Kyuhyun did and went under. Swimming under water and looking frantically for Kyuhyun, Eunhyuk saw him a couple metres away, just lying there in the water, lifeless. Swimming faster to Kyuhyun and once in front of him, Eunhyuk grabbed hold of Kyuhyun's waist. Lightly patting Kyuhyun's cheeks for some kind of reaction and getting none, Eunhyuk noticed that Kyuhyun wasn't breathing.

You are not going to die on me.

Smashing their lips together, Eunhyuk used what he learned from Exploration of the Human Body with Super Junior from the underwater breathing episode, he blew out the air in his mouth into Kyuhyun's. He tried to give as much as air as he could and for as long as he could, waiting for Kyuhyun to wake up. A minute passed and Eunhyuk could slowly feel his lungs contracting. His eyelids were getting heavy and his arms were going numb. His body was getting weaker and weaker by the second. He knew he couldn't last much longer. But he had to.

For Kyuhyun and for himself. He believed that they will work out. That they will come through this together. Gathering as much as the little air he had left in him, Eunhyuk breathed one more time into Kyuhyun's mouth, hoping he'd wake up. That last breath took all that he had. His eyelids were getting heavy. He was falling asleep. He didn't want to but no air took over and he slumped into Kyuhyun.

Kyuhyun's eyes fluttered open, the air inside him was too much. Opening his eyes, he saw blue all around him. He remembered he was in the water to find the necklace. Looking around, Kyuhyun spotted it just a couple feet away from him. Making his way over, he noticed that something was attached to him. Looking down, he saw the familar brunette mop of hair all puffed out in the water against his chest.


Pulling the older boy higher up, Kyuhyun lightly tapped Eunhyuk's cheeks. It didn't work.

The gears inside Kyuhyun's head churned and cranked at full speed when he realized what had happened. Eunhyuk had jumped in and gave him air.

Gripping his arm around Eunhyuk tighter, Kyuhyun forced himself to swim as fast as he could to the surface. He needed to save Eunhyuk. He didn't care what would happen to him. Screw the necklace. Eunhyuk came first.

The water was getting lighter at the top. Swimming frantically, Kyuhyun pulled Eunhyuk above water. The older still showed no sign of a reaction. Forcing his legs to move faster, Kyuhyun swam like he never swam before towards shore.

Eunhyuk, hang in there please. We're almost there.

Once his foot touched sand, Kyuhyun stood up and carried Eunhyuk in his arms towards shore. Once they were on sand, Kyuhyun gently placed Eunhyuk down and performed CPR on him. He didn't know much but he remembered the basics.

Tilting Eunhyuk's head and lifting his chin, Kyuhyun lowered his ear to Eunhyuk's open mouth, searching for signs of chest movement and whether or not he was breathing.

"Eunhyuk, wake up!" Kyuhyun shouted at Eunhyuk, tears falling and scared of losing him.

Placing the heel of his left hand in the middle of Eunhyuk's chest, he placed his left hand on top of his right and laced his fingers together. He began compressing Eunhyuk's chest.

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5." Kyuhyun counted, not caring that he was bawling his eyes out. He was so scared of losing Eunhyuk. It was his fault that this happened.

Tilting Eunhyuk's head and lifting his chin again, Kyuhyun lowered his ear to Eunhyuk's open mouth, hoping that Eunhyuk was breathing.

He didn't.

Kyuhyun repeated the chest compressions.

"-5, 6, 7-"

Eunhyuk's body twitched and his head swayed to the side, his mouth spitting out salt water.

Kyuhyun let out a sigh of relief and pulled Eunhyuk into a hug.

Eunhyuk coughed and gasped for air but he didn't push Kyuhyun away. He could hear the sounds of the waves crashing and his own uneven breathing. He also heard the sound of someone crying. Slowly manoeuvring his head around, he turned to look at Kyuhyun.

Kyuhyun's eyes were closed and he was crying. He was silently crying, occasionally sniffing and whimpering.

"It's okay Kyu. I'm okay." Eunhyuk said weakly, rubbing Kyuhyun's back comfortingly. His voice still a bit rough from being in the water so long without air.

"You're okay but it was my fault." Kyuhyun sobbed, looking at Eunhyuk with such guilt and sad eyes.

"It's over now. I'm safe and you're safe. That's all that matters Kyu. Don't cry." Eunhyuk said, wiping away Kyuhyun's tears and smiling at him.

Kyuhyun gave him a small smile back.

Eunhyuk smiled even brighter at Kyuhyun. His trademark gummy smile appearing.

"Eunhyuk?" Kyuhyun called out, his voice quiet and low.

"Hm?" Eunhyuk hummed, titling his head to the side and looking at Kyuhyun with such adorable and innocent eyes.

"I love you." Kyuhyun whispered, his arms around Eunhyuk griped a bit tighter. He was scared of losing him again.

Eunhyuk eyes grew wide. Kyuhyun had said it. Kyuhyun had finally said it to him. Not at him but to him.

"I love you too Kyu." Eunhyuk whispered softly, shyly looking away. He had said it before but this time it was different.

Kyuhyun looked down at the man in his arms. The man he loves was blushing and so innocent.


By reflex, Eunhyuk lifted his face and looked up at Kyuhyun.

Kyuhyun leaned forward and let his lips meets Eunhyuk's.

The kiss was sweet and slow.

Eunhyuk wrapped his arms around Kyuhyun's neck and shyly kissed him back.

Kyuhyun's arms hugged Eunhyuk tighter.

Eunhyuk giggled into the kiss.

Kyuhyun smiled into their kiss.

Pulling back, Kyuhyun said "I'm never letting you out of my reach again."

"If you continue to love me, I'll always be within your reach." Eunhyuk said seriously, looking into Kyuhyun's dark eyes.

"Promise to always stay by side and love me?" Kyuhyun asked, resting his forehead against Eunhyuk.

"Promise." Eunhyuk whispered.


A/N: Crappy ending but whatever. It's done! I'm happy! ^-^ This was like created since February. And I don't mean like a couple paragraphs. Like 85% of it was created before and just completed today. (May 31, 2009)

Hope you're pleased with this Carey. Sorry for the really long update. I tried to make it a happy ending for you.

Comments are welcomed~♥
Tags: !fanfiction, group: super junior, pairing: kyuhyun x eunhyuk
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