sbluesnow (sbluesnow) wrote in sblue_snow,

[FIC] In deep water

.title: In deep water
.author: sbluesnow
.pairing: Changmin x Yoochun
.summary: He's finally back. Back to his homeland. Back on land but the water pulls him in. It's his escape from the past, the memories, the people and the loved ones.
.a/n: written for english_01 for Minberpile Secret Santa

It's a mix of black and white outside. The sky is dark but not so dark that the city lights blare in the background. The sound of cars ceases to exist. The sea breeze is cold. It's not soft and light. It's harsh and hard. The water is serene one minute, and in another waves are colliding with each other and crashing upon the sand. The footprints left from the day are all covered up.

A man walks along the edge of the water. He's so close to the water that he can feel the wet sand under his toes, but not close enough to get splashed or touched by the waves. It's not midnight, nor is it early in the morning. It's just a little bit before sunrise. He stands before the water, staring at it openly.

It's like a song calling out to him. It's telling him to step in and merge with the water. At this point in time, the man gives in. It's the first time he's ever done so. He takes small baby steps until they get larger and suddenly, he's in the water. He's not in the water so deep that he's almost drowning in it but the waves come up to his knees. The sand feels much softer under his feet. There aren't any rocks beneath his toes. His hands reach around him blindly, making little splashes and ripples in the water.

It's been years since he came to this beach. Years since he's thought of coming back here. Coming back home and being with those he left behind all those years ago. If he had a chance to go back in time and change things, he doesn't know what he'd do. The reason he left made him happy but it also gave him pain. He doesn't want to regret not experiencing that. Heartache is heartache but it makes a person more human. To inflict pain and receive pain has to work both ways.

The waves are getting stronger and stronger. The tide is coming in. The dark water looks like a black hole waiting to suck him in if he steps further away from the shore. He's tempted to go see how far he can walk before he's trapped. He's tempted, but there's something pulling him back. There's someone pulling him back.

"You're really here."

The man tensed as he heard those words. Yoochun.

They weren't loud or shocked. They were soft spoken and hesitant. He didn't turn around, nor did he reply. There's so much to say, but saying the right thing is hard. It's not easy to speak when he doesn't know what to say.

"You're really back."

The man heard the choked sob and sniffles. He didn't have to turn around to know that the person behind him was crying.

"Why did you leave? Why did you leave back then and come back now? Why did you not tell me anything? Why did you shut me out of your life?"

The wind blew in the opposite direction of the sea. The wind blew into the sea, whipping against their bodies. His legs were slowly going numb from the cold water but he couldn't move. Not when there was someone behind him. Someone crying and holding onto something he hasn't thought about in years. Something he left here when he disappeared.


The quiet question coming from that broken voice had the tiniest of effects on his heart. It had twitched at that one word.

"Why, Changmin?"

Changmin's gaze hardened and he refused to look at Yoochun. He knows perfectly well how broken and tear stained that face is. It's etched in his memories. He's replayed it so many times in his head in the beginning. He hasn't thought of it in years. It's all coming back to him, like a tidal wave.

"Please, turn and look at me."

Changmin stood facing the sea and didn't move. He thought of what to do and finally gave in. He turned his body so that it was facing the other person. He was glad for it to be dark outside. The darkness made things easier to not see that face or those tears falling. Knowing hurts less than seeing it happen.

"Do you still love me?"

A flicker of darkness shone in Changmin's eyes. He didn't know the answer to that question. He had left this place. When he left, his heart was already with someone. He's left it here and hasn't made an attempt to fall in love again. Now that he's back, he hasn't looked for that person. He didn't want to think about it so soon.

"Do you still love me, or have you moved on?"

Another set of tears appeared. Changmin hasn't said a word but the tears keep coming. The tears kept on falling and trekking down Yoochun's cheeks. He wanted to ask a question but he couldn't. He didn't want to interrupt or possibly hurt Yoochun more.

"I'm such an idiot. Of course you have. I'll leave you alone now. I'm sorry." Yoochun wiped his tears and turned away.

Changmin stood in the water, not knowing what to do. He hasn't dealt with human emotions in a long time. He's been away on his own in his own world and isolated from society. He took a step forward and the water splashed around him. He wanted to go closer to the other person and just say something but he stopped. He had reached his hand out to take hold of the others, but he let it drop to his side.

Yoochun, walking on the beach, had stopped his steps and turned around. His eyes widened before he ran into the water and threw his arms around Changmin.

Changmin could feel his shirt wetting from the tears. He could feel it becoming tighter on him, fisted by those shaking hands. He could clearly hear the sobs and muffled cries coming from his shoulder. He could feel the heartbeat through their thin clothing. It was beating at such a slow pace it didn't seem healthy.

"Please don't leave me."

The person pulled away and looked the man in the eyes. He stared into his eyes and leaned in closer. When their lips touched, he closed his eyes and new tears formed. He lifted his hands and gently pushed Yoochun’s face away from his. He wiped the falling tears and cradled his face in his hands. He could see the hopeful look in the other's eyes. Sighing inaudibly, he let go and walked away from the sea and onto land.

He heard the splashes behind him and someone latching onto his back.

"Please don't leave me again. Let me go with you. I don't care where or who you're with. Please take me with you. Just don't ever leave me again. I can't take it."

Changmin tried to shake Yoochun off. The other held on tightly and wouldn't let go. Irritated, Changmin flipped Yoochun over his shoulder. He didn't look down or pause. He continued on walking like it didn't happen, as though he heard nothing.
Tags: !fanfiction, group: dbsk, pairing: changmin x yoochun
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